Accepting children’s feelings.



In the book “ Liberated parents Liberated children ” I have found new ideas and remembered other that I may use while taking care of children, and one of these ideas has made significant changes on my routine. The idea came from the third chapter where the author explains about the importance to listen, validate and accept children’s feelings. And he explains that for a good education all feelings are permitted but actions are limited, because only after a child feels right, can he think right, only after a child feels right, can he do right.
With this theory phases we can’t understand much, but if we take examples from our day we may understand it better. So I’m going to give examples from my routine where I take care of 2 children, a boy that is 4 years old and a girl that is 22 months, which has helped me to understand and accept this theory.
Once I started reading this book, my mind opened to several details that I wasn’t giving the proper attention. Firs I noticed that taking care of children means you are not only providing the basic needs from them to stay alive, but you are always teaching them how to be a person, and how to behave and conduct life following rules of our society.
When trying to teach children about rules, we may have to confront our own doubts about the society, because many times we follow the rules even though we don’t agree with them, and we do it because we where thought that that’s what we should do, accept the rules and don’t argue. After all that’s what we are going to do with our own children to, because if you don’t, you would be labeled as different and weird.
Some of the society demands go beyond our possibilities, we expect adults to be patient all the time while taking care of children and to create a favorable environment so children can grown up and become successful persons. But living the real thing shows that is not easy, and we get frustrated when we can’t do what we are expected to.
That’s why this book helped me a lot, first I understood that not being patient 100% of the time is ok, and that we can’t create the perfect environment, but with some help we may understand better the children’s needs and work out a way to make this learning and teaching process easier and more successful.
The first thing that I read and tried to add to my routine was the theory that children have feelings that must be validated and accepted. With this on my mind I started explaining to the children that I new how they where feeling and that was fine. For example on the day of Halloween the boy was very excited about going trick or treat, so he couldn’t stay still even to eat, so I told him that I understood that he was very excited, but eating was very important so he could have enough strength to go out and to the trick or treat. After I told him that he stopped and looked at me, after thinking for a while he sad: “Yes, I’m very excited”.
With these simple worlds I noticed that we connected more, he enjoyed that I understood him, and apparently he was glad that he could now describe how he was feeling. On the next week he was trying to put together one toy, and as he couldn’t do it buy himself he told me in a calm way that he was frustrated because he couldn’t do it. At that time I understood how important was to accept his feeling, and how this made him calmer and more easy going, knowing how to describe his feelings and knowing that I respect them made a huge difference in our life’s.
In conclusion I understood that letting the child know how he is feeling, helps him understand him self and our society, because it is our society that gave names to those feelings. So with my help buy simply validating and accepting the child feelings, I made progress in our relationship, now there is less arguing and more respect.

Bibliography
Mazlish,E & Faber,A. Liberated Parents, Liberated Children – Your Guide to a Happier. Avon Books, New York,1990.
Autor: Nadia Prando


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